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Hiatus break (again)

Back, from another long hiatus. My lease is up at the end of March, and I have to decide where I'm going to live after that. With my family, regardless of how that might turn out, or what? I haven't taken my GRE yet, nor gotten my grad school applications in, so I don't even know what graduate school I'm going to. Still, I'm hoping to get in somewhere in San Diego. I think getting out of this state would be a great start for me, force me out of this stupid rut that I'm in, where I just wait tables, and get angry at the general unimportance of my life.

Saw Girl With the Dragon Tattoo a couple weeks ago. Have to be honest, I enjoyed the Swedish version much more, mainly due to the pacing. As much as I love Daniel Craig, the pacing of the movie could use work. There was just a lot of "Here's Blomkvist!" "Now he's here!" without any rhyme or reason why. Maybe I'm just being overly critical. Overall, I enjoyed it -- probably would have enjoyed it more had I not seen the earlier film. 

My roommate and I spend all our time watching Big Bang Theory, it seems. We have all the episodes DVR-ed on TBS, along with Mythbusters and the occasional reality show. I'm starting to act like Sheldon. Halp. 

Books and Accidents

I just reached the Red Wedding scene in the third Song of Ice and Fire book. Suffice to say, I'm going to take a couple day break from the book for a while. It's frustrating to read the books and get so invested in the characters, only to see the ones I like die. Horrifically. Not a condemnation on George R.R. Martin at all, but seriously -- will there ever be a happy ending in this series? I think the best I can hope for is satisfactory.


Those who are Facebook friends with me may have seen that I got into a car accident less than a week ago. Not that serious (as no one was hurt), but my little sister and I, in my tiny little Toyota Corolla, were T-boned by an SUV at an intersection. Overall, it's been a little trying between finances, work, and family. My sister and I are alright, thank goodness, but I think I'm still waiting to see how watching an SUV slam into her door affects my 15-year old sister. She's taking it a little too well, if you ask me. It could just be a sense of paranoia and guilt talking, but I don't think that would just roll off my back. 

Had I known this would happen, I may have held off on buying the MacBook. As it is, I still enjoy my shiny little laptop.

Times Informational Interview Recap

So I went in today to see the supervisor for the clerks at the Times. First of all, that building has the most confusing elevators for no reason; elevators should just go up and down, that's all. Not any of this, computers tell you which elevator after compiling information about what elevators everyone else wants to take. And what if mid-way, I decide that instead of going to the Culture department on the 4th floor, I want to get a snack on the 15th?

But I digress.

It was a fairly short interview. He reiterated that there were no actual openings, but they are very soon going to be in need of temps, and that most, if not all, their hiring for permanent positions occur in-house. The actual clerical work didn't seem terribly difficult, and a lot of it seemed interesting. Plus it's The New York Times, so I'm sure I'd be interested, somewhat.

He talked about the day Osama bin Laden was shot, and how everyone on staff that night (at 11pm on a Sunday night) had to stay until 5-6 in the morning, temps and permanent staffers alike, just to rework the front page. Otherwise, it seems like a lot of what I do in my internship at the law office (minus the legal writing and the getting yelled at by judges – though that would probably be replaced by getting yelled at by editors), only paid. And while internships are all well and good, the prospect of being paid is pretty nice, especially now that I have a MacBook Pro to pay off.

We met in his office with one of the clerks, a woman who had been there for some time and I think they liked me, but of course, there's no particular way to be sure. I do have to say, my friend seemed to give a very strong endorsement of my abilities and personality (which is its own kind of pressure), and he did see my resume before offering to speak to me, so he at least knew where I was coming from. They also shared that they were in the middle of a situation since a reader of the online Times caught a typo on a photo caption and apparently refreshed the page relentlessly over the course of four hours before the online editors corrected it. What situation this created, I have no idea, but the three of us were in agreement that Relentless!Reader, as he is thus called, probably needs a drink.

(Also, in a more humorous note, I had the same birthday as all the security guards at the desk today. Upon my reasonable disbelief, they all produced IDs proving the fact. I've never met anyone else with my birthday, except for a friend in college who has since gone on to change his sexual orientation twice, and conducts seances and exorcisms at the full moon. Needless to say, I was pretty tickled by the whole thing.)

Afterwards, I met with my friend at her desk in the Culture department, where I took a look at her important layout and headline writing work for the day (an entire spread dedicated to Kung Fu Panda), and stopped by to meet a friend of hers, someone who was fact-checking an article about Rasputin's death, quite furiously. Evidently the offending writer of the article felt that dates weren't entirely important and spanned the course of two centuries with his article.

Long story short – or all that to say – fingers crossed that something will crop up, so I can finally leave the world of customer service behind.


It's Sunday, And Not Raining

Been ages (again), but I'm writing this while catching up on Doctor Who. A lot has changed these past few months. I moved from my parents' big home into a small apartment with no furniture and a lot of beer. (It didn't come that way, but it certainly feels that way.) 

Also, I have a MacBook Pro. Doesn't seem like a huge change in my life, but my wallet thinks so. Still, the shininess factor makes up for all that. 

I'm taking the LSAT: Take Two this Septober (read: September/October), and currently doing Arabic tutoring classes. Still working at Ruth's Chris, unfortunately, but I've got a meeting with the hiring manager at the New York Times. They're not hiring, but he was impressed by my resume and whatever my friend had to say about me and offered to meet with me to talk about potentially working at the news desk.

Boyfriend (still Jim) was supposed to come down to visit tomorrow, but is coming next week instead. He starts a Calculus class afterwards, so I won't see him for a good while (which I suppose shouldn't irk me as much as it does, since I don't see him much anyway). My guess is, I ought to make friends with people that aren't my roommate. 

Overall, it's nice to have my own place and quiet. Now, if I can work on getting ice trays (where does one GET ice trays?), I can truly be happy. 

First entry of 2011.

Been interning at a litigation firm these days. Really good experience, too. They make their human slaves do a lot of writing and reading, and occasionally we get to attend depositions and mediations with them. A couple weeks ago, I saw my first deposition and tomorrow I get to go to my first mediation. Might not be much, but it's more than I had going for me before.

Also, Ruth's Chris has finally warmed up to me, so I've been finally making money. At the moment, it's still not enough to move out on, but it pays for everything I need paid and then some, and once the season picks up (and NY stops getting pummeled with snow), I should be able to save away a lot.

Still have boyfriend, mother still crazy, my sister still going through angsty puberty, and I got my LSAT score back.

Busy year so far. :D

Another angsty post. (You've been warned!)

There's all sorts of banshee screaming about what the piece of shit I am, and how I do not deserve any friends, because only someone truly selfish would call a friend to go out and grab a slice of pizza when she's upset. They've decided to tell me about how all my friends secretly hate me, and I'll probably be dumped sooner or later because my boyfriend will realize that I am utterly useless and add nothing to anyone's life. This is, in fact, every single day. I'm still going through server training (and highly skeptical that I'll even get the job), but there has been no mention of that in this household except to snigger and say, "How's that training going for the job that you'll never get?"

I really can't take it anymore. What's worse is I'm not a minor, I'm a legal adult, so I could leave. I could just take all my stuff and peace out of here but I have nowhere to go, no way to get there, and no job to support myself. But there's only so many months that I can constantly listen to how I'm worthless and stupid and fat and ugly and unlikeable and a colossal failure before I start to get migraines. They can control what I eat, when I eat, where I go, how I leave the house; I am ignored and told to shut up and leave everyone alone on a constant daily basis when I try to start conversation, and told that I should not go out with my friends because I would be inflicting my presence on them as well.

What's worse than that is that I think I'm actually going to get dumped. Which would really suck (beyond how much it sucks to be dumped by someone you love and care about), because my birthday is tomorrow. I have no plans, I don't even have the energy to celebrate my birthday and I love the shit out of celebrating my birthday. It's a day about surrounding myself around friends, people who love me, telling stories and playing games and I don't need to feel shitty or insecure or upset about anything. Except I do feel shitty and insecure. I started a stupid fight with him and I would do anything to take it back, and now I'm going mad because I'm certain  I'm getting dumped, and I can't do anything about it, like I can't about being in this godforsaken hellhole of a house. 

I thought, when I was in college, all the times I ranted about this place in high school, I must have been emo and obnoxiously angsty. But no, this is just as miserable as I remember being at home being. I have no job, I'm not a full-time student, and even if I were one, I'd be financially dependent on my parents which is the big problem -- I'm tired of them having every little bit of control over me. I just want break free and have something that's mine. A job, a car, a place, anything. Something I can assert control over, and I can't while living here, while I'm surrounded by a mother who is miserable and wants everyone to be as trapped and miserable as her, a sister who suffers from an extreme case of escapism and social apathy, and a father who has admitted that he has no interest in speaking or looking at me because the sight of me makes him sick.

I got a (conditional) job.

So, I am conditionally hired as a Server at Ruth's Chris Steak House. Apparently after the paid training time is over, they're going to evaluate whether or not they actually want to hire me; which is kind of nerve-racking. Especially because I'm faking any restaurant experience whatsoever, and this is a really upscale place. -.-

Yesterday was my second day and it was miserable; I was so incredibly out of my element, and I couldn't open the wine bottle. The computer was stupid easy to pick up, but until I study the ten thousand cards of information they give me, I won't be able to be useful whatsoever. I was taught how to make coffee, double espresso, and how to subsequently serve those (my first attempt was, as my trainer said, "kind of horrible.").

It was strange though, my trainers still seemed to like me. They said I was a quick-learner, I was nice, and just suffered from lack of product information and a lot of nerves. I was polite, I never lost my cool, and I did my best to apologize for any mistakes and laugh it off. Also, I apparently flirt. A lot. On the drive home, I was thinking about that, and decided that I'm pretty okay with it.

The way I see this, I'm getting paid minimum wage for training, which is a lot more than I'm getting moping at home alone (and griping on the phone to my boyfriend everyday, which he is thrilled about). Also, if I don't get this gig, I can fake my experience elsewhere and actually do the things I should be able to to do (open a wine bottle!).

So, LJ-ers with server experience: any serving tips?


Also. Finally registered for the December 11th LSAT. And still looking for a paralegal gig. Life is hard.

Panic Attack Incoming....

We're going to temple tonight. I don't anticipate that I'll see too many people that I grew up with, but everyone will want to know what my parents' oldest daughter is doing with herself lately. Which reminds me of Thanksgiving, which is FULL of people I really don't want to see. People who would (not) joke about me failing out of school, about majoring in Arabic, about liking to write, about not being able to drive, about not being in any Indian clubs on campus, etc.

I really just don't know what to say to them. "Hey, I'm doing a certificate in Arabic at NYU because I was too lazy and didn't apply to actual graduate school, and I'm looking for a job unsuccessfully, while sitting in my parents' house wanting to scream?" Things would be exponentially better if I had a fucking job, a real one, paralegaling or something. Just so I can feel useful, be useful, and get all these people off my back.

I hate not being (actually being, night classes don't count) in school, or employed. Economy's bad, sure, but apparently no one in my family's circle of friends is having any problem, which squarely puts the blame on my shoulders. It's just bullshit; I work hard, I apply for a trillion jobs every single day, and I don't get a fucking thing. There's got to be a lawyer somewhere in New York City or Westchester that needs a little brown girl to work at a desk. There has to be.

Phone Disaster

My Blackberry Tour broke today. -.- So, in the Verizon store, after much deliberation, I've decided that while I love my Blackberry, I was going to go a different smartphone option: The Motorola Droid 2.

I hated it for the about the first hour, because I couldn't type well on it or figure out how it worked, and had made plans to take it back to the store -- instead, I think I kind of adore it now. We'll give it a week, see what the verdict is then.

Now, I just need to name it.

Ewan-McGregor Look-alike.

I just met a guy that looks like a 20 year-old version of Ewan McGregor, is straight, and is doing NaNoWriMo. AND his name is Jean-Marco.

I kind of want him to be my best friend. Is that bad?

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January 2012



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